


ㅂㄱㅅㅍ (I Miss You)

by lizziepro



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-05 18:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6716194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizziepro/pseuds/lizziepro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaehwan can't seem to get the message from Taekwoon, and both are frustrated by it. Will Jaehwan ever figure out how to talk to Taekwoon?</p>
            </blockquote>





	ㅂㄱㅅㅍ (I Miss You)

Conversation is a funny thing.

It can happen verbally and nonverbally, loudly and quietly, harshly and softly. Some people never know when to stop talking, while others shy away and don't feel the need to talk as much, whether it is just difficult for them or not in their nature to converse comfortably. Either way, it's about personal expression and how to convey feelings to others.  
Most often, one would think when these types of people meet, so opposite in their modes of conversation, there is no hope for a relationship of any sort: friendship, an exclusive relationship, or even as workplace acquaintances.

But this wasn't the case with Taekwoon and Jaehwan.

In the realm of conversation, Taekwoon and Jaehwan were on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Taekwoon was a quiet person. He rarely spoke up, his muted conversation matching his quiet behavior. Most of the time the only reason the guys knew he was even in the dorms was because Hakyeon had latched onto Taekwoon's arm and started cooing at him about how he was cute and needed to come play games with the rest of them, but Taekwoon was less than entertained by the screaming and yelling occurring in the front room. He opted for his headphones and his iPod more often than not, and that was okay by him. Slight nods of approval or disapproval were his preferred method of communication. Even his texts were short, one or two word replies. He was an integral part of the VIXX vocal line, but he was quiet and aloof like a kitten in every other regard.

Jaehwan was the opposite. Everything about him was vocal and exuberant. Taekwoon found it a wonder that Jaehwan ever did shut up, though it was never for long. The boy talked in his sleep like no other, Taekwoon learning this from car rides, Jaehwan occasionally sleeping in his room, and he sang at any given moment. His only silent moments were when he was truly upset about something, but those were few and far between. Taekwoon thought he must be upset about something though because Jaehwan was eerily quiet around him lately, and fumbled his words when he did try and talk.

Taekwoon knew he wasn't making things any better. It was his fault for Jaehwan being this way anyway, so he decided to try and fix it, as scared as he was. It was when he was sitting next to Sanghyuk on the couch, watching him text a friend, that he got the idea.

_"Sanghyukkie, can you help me?"_

\-----------------------

Jaehwan awoke one morning, early from what he could tell. The light in the room was just barely hitting the closet across from him and the air was still cool. He opened and closed his eyes a couple of times before he realized how he was sleeping. In he and Taekwoon's shared room, shared bedspace, shared blankets, he was pressed against Taekwoon's back, arm slung across the older's abdomen.

He jerked back. He couldn't be doing this anymore. Not since they weren't necessarily on speaking terms.

Jaehwan rubbed his eyes and reached around for his phone, pulling it off the charger connected to the wall. He took his pillow and a spare blanket, and trudged to the front room, making his place on the couch.

It was safer out here, and less awkward. He seriously needed to talk to Hakyeon about changing rooms if this was how things were going to proceed. Awkward and unnecessarily scary. Jaehwan didn't like it. He could force smiles for most everyone, but at home in the dorms it was harder. Especially when he had to sleep next to Taekwoon after what happened a couple weeks back.

About 2 hours later, Jaehwan awoke to the sound of a door opening. There were no schedules today so they were allowed to sleep in, and damnit if these boys didn't take advantage of it.

Hongbin walked out of his room, looking like a French model, and Jaehwan was jealous as hell. Who really looks like that when they wake up? That handsome and perfectly ready, like he could go to the store or a meeting if he only threw some clothes on. It was ridiculous and a little rude, Jaehwan thought. But he loved Hongbin more than any other dongsaeng, and as bitter as he was that he didn't wake up looking like a model, he really loved this kid a lot. He was a good friend and confidant, and the only one who knew about what happened between him and Taekwoon. He offered all the advice he could, sat with Jaehwan when he was upset, and even made stupid videos with him just because he thought Jaehwan was hilarious.

 _"Good morning, sunshine. Why are you out here?"_ Hongbin was at the sink getting a glass of water, leaning against the counter.

 _"It's better than being in there. I can't sleep in there much longer. It's too weird."_ Jaehwan was still lying on the couch, on his back so his voice would carry.

_"You guys still aren't talking?"_

_"No. We're not. Not that I could talk to him if I tried. I don't know how to talk to him anymore. He's so cold."_

_"He's always cold."_

_"Yeah, but it's different now."_

Hongbin made a noise of agreement before refilling his water, or what Jaehwan assumed he was doing.

Then his phone went off. He swiped the lockscreen selca of Taekwoon sitting and eating noodles to the side. It was a text from Taekwoon. Jaehwan looked up at the doorway to his right. He opened the text.

_"ㅇㄷㅇ?"_

What?? What did this shit mean? Taekwoon had to be sleep texting, or playing a prank...though he never really played any pranks at all. Maybe he sent it to the wrong person? Jaehwan copied and pasted the text into a search engine. Maybe Jaehwan just didn't know this particular thing. Was it food? A place? A name? Initials?

The search came up empty, and Jaehwan was thoruoughly defeated. He sighed and tossed his head back on the arm of the couch. Why was Taekwoon so frustrating?

 _"What's wrong,"_ Hongbin was now making his way to sit on the couch next to a now halfway seated Jaehwan, _"trying to speak French again?"_

 _"Je parlez beaucoup de Français, mon ami~"_ Jaehwan smiled at him and shook his shoulders.

 _"Hyung, it's je parle, not je parlez."_ Hongbin smirked. Jaehwan swore the kid was actually French, but he'd have to perform the background test later.

 _"Oui.......oui, mais ce n'est pas le probleme. Ce texto ici! C'est le problème! Qu'est cela nous dire?"_ Jaehwan said a bit too enthusiastically. It wasn't his fault French brought this out in him. Hongbin took the phone and looked at the text.

_"What does this mean?"_

_"I have no idea! Did you not just see me in the throes of ignorance here?"_

_"Well, did you ask Taekwoonie hyung what it meant?"_

_"No. I didn't."_

_"Maybe you should. Does he know where you are? You should ask him what this means."_ Hongbin said as he got up and made his way back to his room.

_"Right. I'll get right on that. Because we're totally on speaking terms and talk all the time. Practically never stop talking, Hongbin. It's a miracle you got a word in edgewise. I was so busy there."_

_"Talk to Taekwoonie hyung, Lee Jaehwan. I think he misses you."_ Hongbin said with a small smile.

 _"Fine. Will you take your French model ass and leave now?"_ Jaehwan waved him off to his room and Hongbin smiled even more.

_"You're just jealous."_

_"I have more booty than you will ever have, kid, now leave me to play text decoder in peace."_ Hongbin chuckled and disappeared behind the door to his room. Jaehwan's smile started to slowly fade, looking back at the text in front of him. Maybe Taekwoon was really sleep texting. Really. That had to be it. The only possible explanation for this nonsense.

 _"I'll ask him when I see him. It'll be fine. And then we can talk. Because Taekwoon and I are meant to b-"_ As if on cue, a muttering Jaehwan was interrupted by the tall, shirtless figure of Jung Taekwoon emerging from their room. B-lining toward the coffee machine and starting it up.

Jaehwan gulped. He immediately forgot what he wanted to do, as well as all the names of the girls in Girl's Gen and his high score in Anipang, both of which were vital to his existence.

Taekwoon stood with his back turned to Jaehwan, which was not fair. The sun, now fully risen, glistened off the back of it, highlighting his strong muscular structure, and Jaehwan felt himself gaping. Taekwoon turned to get a cup from the cupboard and glanced over his shoulder at Jaehwan, causing the younger to immediately shut his gob. He had to ask. And he had to do it now, since Taekwoon was now pouring his coffee. He had exactly 2 minutes, 30 seconds before he'd leave the room and Jaehwan would miss his chance.

So he went for it.

_"Good morning, hyung."_

_"Good morning, Jaehwan."_

A slow start, but a start nonetheless.

So he went a little further.

_"I see you texted me. Did you mean to text me this message?"_

_"Yes."_ Taekwoon was putting creamer in his coffee now. Jaehwan was losing time, and the shock of him not sleep texting was a bit overwhelming, but he pushed forward.

_"Oh, I see. Well, is your phone acting up? Because this text looks a bit weird. It only has 3 characters. Is that what you meant to send me, hyung?"_

_"Yes."_ Taekwoon was now grabbing a granola bar from the cupboard and turning to walk back to his room.

Jaehwan had to act fast.

_"Oh, cool. I must not be up on what the hip kids text like. Because, well....uhm I don't quite know what this means. Could you tell me what you meant by it?"_

No response. Taekwoon just glanced at him, almost unreadable, but Jaehwan knew, he was scared and uncomfortable, the awkward air permeating the room undeniable, even in the bright beautiful sunlight and cool air from the open window rushing in. The awkwardness remained.

Taekwoon started walking toward their room again.

 _"Are you not going to explain this? What does this mean, Jung Taekwoon?"_ Jaehwan yelled as the door to their room shut, and behind it Taekwoon stayed. Jaehwan threw himself down once more on the couch, letting out a frustrated yell and burying himself under the covers.

 _"What's wrong, princess? Rough morning?"_ Hakyeon's voice came from outside of his covered hideaway. Jaehwan was really in no mood to appease his most obnoxious princess hyung, but if it kept him from asking questions, he was going to go for it.

 _"Nothing hyung~ I was just wondering if you could make me breakfast?~"_ Jaehwan slowly revealed his eyes from under the blanket. Hakyeon was standing over him now, catlike smile gracing his face, but still looking just as fierce and devious. This hyung. Jaehwan loved him and his obnoxious, even if he did demand to be called princess Hakyeon by the boys, he was a good leader.

 _"Only if you clean up your mess in here, Jaehwannie~ Princess Hakyeon only makes breakfast for boys who clean up after themselves~"_ Hakyeon leant down to give Jaehwan eskimo kisses, because this was how he loved on Jaehwan. Jaehwan knew he meant nothing by it, especially since Hakyeon was like this with everyone he knew. Though, Jaehwan would've preferred if Taekwoon hadn't walked out at that very moment, to witness Jaehwan getting eskimo kissed by his hyung.

Jaehwan looked past Hakyeon, hearing the door to his room open, and there was Taekwoon, standing with a towel and fresh pair of clothes. Hakyeon noticed Jaehwan's averted gaze and turned around to greet him. _"Hi Taekwoonie~ Go shower well! Breakfast will be done by the time you're out, though only if Jaehwannie cleans up his mess~"_ Hakyeon booped Jaehwan's nose before moving toward the kitchen. Jaehwan remained under the blankets, feeling safer there, as Taekwoon stood in his place, simply looking at Jaehwan. It was a good 30 seconds before Taekwoon turned his head and went into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Jaehwan felt like hell. He and Taekwoon both knew that there was nothing happening with him and Hakyeon, but the fact was it was not the best thing to see in this situation, especially with everything that had happened between Taekwoon and himself. He turned over and his phone fell to the floor with a thud, reminding him of the earlier text.

He picked it up and looked once more: _"ㅇㄷㅇ?"_

Conversation was not Taekwoon's strong suit, not at all, but why did it have to be like this? He'd gotten Taekwoon to share, converse, speak his mind before, when they would stay in the studio together late at night after recordings or getting breakfast way before the dawn even bothered to peek over the horizon.

It had been great, and then something happened.

Jaehwan remembers it like it was yesterday, though it was now a few weeks past.

He and Taekwoon were spending another night in the studio. They'd been singing for hours now, on and off. They had a showcase coming up and they needed to prepare a small single. It was busy, but they had each other, and during the late nights, it made all the difference. Each had been drawn to the other from the beginning. Jaehwan didn't remember a time when he didn't think Taekwoon's voice was the most beautiful in the entire world, and that was fine by him. The two were comfortable with each other too, by this point. They almost had to be, but things like cuddling on the small studio couch, and holding hands, and lying in each others arms, everyone in the group did them, but they felt different when they happened between Jaehwan and Taekwoon. They felt more intimate, more meaningful, like something connected them that didn't connect the others.

It was comfortable in Taekwoon's embrace on the couch. Comfortable, safe, and right.'

Jaehwan was wrapped in Taekwoon's arms, holding them around his torso as Taekwoon breathed, heavy and slow. He was relaxed. Taekwoon buried his nose in Jaehwan's neck as their limbs tangled to stay stable on the couch.

Then something happened.

Taekwoon pressed a soft kiss to the back of Jaehwan's neck....and another.

Jaehwan was elated. He wanted to scream, or sing, or turn over to face Taekwoon and continue the string of events, but Taekwoon held him in place, not letting him turn around to see him. Jaehwan was fine with it. Taekwoon wasn't very confident, so it made sense that this was how he chose to kiss Jaehwan for the first time. Jaehwan intertwined his fingers with Taekwoon's own around his abdomen, and slowly drifted to sleep, smile plastered on his face.

Jaehwan fell asleep with a warm feeling in his heart, the assurance that this was the beginning of something beautiful...

but he was mistaken.

Jaehwan awoke a few hours later on the couch, alone. No Taekwoon in sight. The same carried on throughout the day, Jaehwan unable to find Taekwoon anywhere, let alone reach him on the phone.

He didn't see him that night until he was under the covers in their shared bedspace on the floor, flipping through his games on his phone, trying to beat his high score. It was all but forgotten when Taekwoon walked into the room. Jaehwan was beaming at first, but his smile dulled when he saw the state of Taekwoon. He entered the room and stopped, staring at Jaehwan for a moment.

He looked sad.

He'd been crying and his eyes were swollen.

Taekwoon averted his gaze and began shedding his clothing in favor of pajamas. Jaehwan wondered what had happened, so he put on his best smile for his favorite hyung _. "Hi Taekwoonie hyung. How was your day? I was hoping...maybe we could talk about what happened last night?"_ Jaehwan tried to sound upbeat, but his heart was in his throat, ready to drop at any moment...

 _"No."_ Was the reply he got, as Taekwoon slipped on his tank top and plugged his phone into the charger. He made his way to the bed.

_"Hyung~ Don't be silly~ It's okay! I think it'd be good for us to talk though, especially since you kissed me-"_

_"Nothing happened, Jaehwan. Go to sleep."_ Taekwoon had turned out the lamp next to them and made his way under the covers next to Jaehwan, his back turned to the younger boy.

Jaehwan didn't know what to do. He sat there, propped up on his elbow. What had just happened?

Taekwoon was the one who kissed him. That was what happened, and he couldn't deny it since Taekwoon had entered the room looking like hell and not venting to his personal confidant Jaehwan, much less cuddling him to sleep like they always did.

Jaehwan felt the tears brimming around his eyes, and he reached a hand out to touch Taekwoon's hair, but jerked it back when Taekwoon ducked his head under his part of the covers, his breathing uneven and harsh. Jaehwan turned to the opposite side, staring at the wall. He didn't sleep that night at all. He couldn't. What was supposed to be something great, a new start, something beautiful, it'd turned sour and he had no idea what happened.

This was the beginning of their non-speaking coexistence. And it was killing both of them.

Jaehwan needed to fix this. He needed to for Taekwoon and himself. And if these texts were the way Taekwoon wanted to communicate for now, limiting their conversations to simple non-sensical characters, then so be it. He missed Taekwoon and he had a feeling Taekwoon missed him. Jaehwan was going to make this right.

\------------------

Over the next couple of weeks, leading up to Hakyeon umma's birthday, Jaehwan received more texts from Taekwoon, and more frustration with each text.

In the cosmetics store, he stood at the counter with Wonshik, who was currently getting the cashier to put her number into his phone.

While Wonshik was busy with getting his phonebook increased, a message came through on Jaehwan's. He took advantage of the fact that Wonshik was awestruck by this cashier and made his escape, back near the aisle where he and Wonshik had picked out the body shimmer they'd give Hakyeon as part of his birthday present, in addition to a ridiculous amount of bb cream and a spa pass with any member of his choosing for a day of princess pampering at the spa next door.

Jaehwan ducked into the aisle, between the purple body glitter and the gold eyeliner, and pulled out his phone.

A text from Taekwoon:

_"ㄱㅊㅇ"_

Jaehwan replied with a _"??,"_ if only because he had no idea what else to do, and in hopes that Taekwoon might break and start explaining these cryptic messages to him. Even the internet didn't help. This was pointless. When he'd asked Wonshik what he thought it meant, he said it might be someone's initials or the name of a big corporation Taekwoon wanted to invest in.  
Jaehwan shook his head. This was going nowhere.

Jaehwan didn't understand what that text meant any more than the next text he received a few days later when he was playing a video game late at night with Hongbin. They had had Wednesday game nights for as long as they could remember, and when taking a water break, Jaehwan's phone went off. Seeing the text from Taekwoon wasn't so much a surprise now, as it was frustrating. He wanted to be direct, talk to him, but Taekwoon wouldn't give him the chance, being even less casually out and about in the dorms than he'd previously been, now essentially becoming a recluse in he and Jaehwan's room.

Jaehwan opened the text:

_"ㅁㅊㄱㄷ"_

Hongbin had asked who it was, and Jaehwan pulled a forced smile, saying it was Hakyeon asking what they were doing for his birthday.

But Hongbin knew better, and upon asking what Taekwoon had to say to him, Jaehwan let his head fall to his knees, tucking his legs to his chest and sitting, Hongbin's hand on his back. Comforting, nice, but not the safe and right he felt with Taekwoon. The safe and right he wanted so desperately, but he couldn't communicate with him. He was losing hope fast.

\------------------

It was the night of Hakyeon's princess [[birthday]]party at their dorm, and it was a surprise party. Taekwoon was on distraction duty, number one because Jaehwan decided not to torture him and pair him up with any of the loud dongsaengs nor himself who he wouldn't give the time of day, only cryptic weird texts that Jaehwan was starting to think were just some kind of joke to make him get over him, and number two, because Hakyeon really really really loved Taekwoon and being near him and petting his hair and rubbing his chin like a kitten. Sometimes, Jaehwan was sure if Hakyeon had the technology, he'd transfigure Taekwoon into a kitten and keep him for himself.

Either way, Taekwoon was on distraction duty, taking Hakyeon to the local mall to find shoes to make him specifically Taekwoon's height, but that were cool enough to impress the peons around the idol scene. There was one and only one princess, and his name was Cha Hakyeon.

Taekwoon being gone and out of the way meant that Hongbin and Wonshik teamed up to get the house ready. Decorating and making the cake were their duties, and Jaehwan just hoped they followed through with them instead of forgetting and finally figuring out they were in love, thereby disregarding all their said duties in favor of making out on the couch or something. At least if that was going to happen, Jaehwan and Sanghyuk needed to be home, so at least they could keep getting the party ready before Hakyeon and Taekwoon returned.

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk were out of the house though, at the local food market. They had to buy soda [[the boys had an early schedule tomorrow and therefore couldn't get completely trashed as Hakyeon had wanted]] and some snacks to go with the main dishes they'd ordered a little while ago. They'd probably be there before Jaehwan and Sanghyuk got back, another reason Hongbin and Wonshik needed to not get lost in lust. They had to answer the door and pay for the food.

Regardless, Jaehwan stood alone in front of the cooler, trying to pick between some citrus soda and a cherry flavored cola. He'd already gotten Hakyeon a giant bottle of Dr. Pepper, since he drank the stuff like water, but now he just needed another one and he could meet up with Sanghyuk, who'd wandered over to the candy aisle in promise of picking out sweets to accompany the cake.

Silly kid.

Jaehwan's phone went off as he reached for the door of the cooler. He reached back into his pocket, expecting a text from Hakyeon asking again what they're doing for his birthday and he needs to know if he needs to dress cool or regal for the night's events, but that wasn't what was on his screen.

It was a text from Taekwoon:

_"ㅂㄱㅅㅍ"_

_"Oh! Taekwoonie hyung misses you. That's cute. You and he haven't been talking lately, right? Why not, hyung?"_ Jaehwan almost clear jumped out of his skin at Sanghyuk's intrusion, clutching his chest and vaguely glaring at his dongsaeng, who was currently chomping away on some sour straws.

_"Sanghyukkie~ It's fine. Hyungs sometimes don't always get along, but it's really oka- wait..............How do you know Taekwoonie hyung misses me?"_

Sanghyuk scoffed, looking away, as if he couldn't believe what was happening right now. What a dumb hyung.

_"Hyung, it says so."_

_"Where?"_

_"The text. It says 'I miss you', but it's like a code. Short for '보고싶어'. He asked me about it one day about a month or so ago. I'm glad he's putting it to good use! He must be practicing on you. He said there's someone he really wants to talk to but is afraid to in person. Do you know who it is hyung?"_ Sanghyuk took a sip of his slushie and looked earnestly concerned about the matter of Taekwoonie hyung's love interest.

 

 _"Wait, forget that for a second. Can you tell me what these other ones mean?"_ Jaehwan scrambled to pull up the other texts on his phone, practically throwing it at Sanghyuk.

 _"Wow, he must be practicing on you a lot, hyung! He's really getting the hang of this"_ Sanghyuk was scrolling through them, looking amazed at his hyung's progress.

 _"Sanghyuk! What do they say?"_ Jaehwan was swiftly losing patience. He couldn't believe that the maknae was the cause of all this struggle. How the hell could someone so cute cause so much dissonance in his life?!

_"Well, this one, 'ㄴㅇㄷㅇ?' means 너 어디야?/'where are you?'. Then this one, 'ㄱㅊㅇ',means '괜찮아'/it's okay. And this other one, 'ㅁㅊㄱㄷ', means '미치겠다'/i'm gonna go crazy."_

_"And the last one he just sent means 'I miss you'?"_

_"Hyung, I talk with my friends all the time like this. Even my parents text like this. I'm sure it means 'I miss you'."_

Jaehwan thought he was going to puke right in the middle of the store. Taekwoon had been using this to talk to him and tell him how much he missed him and wanted to be with him because it was the only way he could. He was still talking to Jaehwan, but from a code, and Jaehwan knew even that was probably hard for him. Countless talks with Hongbin explained to Jaehwan how Taekwoon felt. And Jaehwan wanted to show him how he felt too, communicating in the only way Taekwoon could right now.

 _"How do you say 'I love you' then, Sanghyuk?"_ Jaehwan's eyes were wide and he spoke quickly, grabbing a cherry soda from the cooler.

_"You type-"_

_"No time, here. Type it for me."_ Jaehwan handed Sanghyuk the phone as they headed to the counter. _"Wait, do you want that candy too?"_

_"Yeah, if you don't mind."_

_"I'll buy it if you type 'I love you' in that code for hyung?"_

_"Deal. Texting to get candy. I could get used to this, hyung. But wait. Why are you sending that to Taekwoonie hyung?"_

_"No time to talk. They should be back soon and we need to get ready."_ Jaehwan grabbed his phone from Sanghyuk. The text read _"ㅅㄹㅎ"_. Perfect. Sanghyuk stole his candy out of his hyung's arms as Jaehwan pressed send.

Now, for Taekwoon to get home.

Here goes nothing.

\--------------

About 15 minutes after the boys arrived home, Taekwoon and Hakyeon arrived home to a decorated house, filled with food and decorations, and 4 younger boys all excited to celebrate their leader's birthday.

 _"Happy Birthday, Princess Hakyeon hyung~"_ The boys rang out when their leader came into the room. They shot off poppers and blew birthday toys as Hakyeon looked around, eyes wide in surprise.

Jaehwan on the other hand looked directly at Taekwoon, amidst the flying balloons and confetti falling around them, and Taekwoon looked back, seemingly embarrassed and unsure about what was going to happen next. Luckily, for him, Jaehwan took care of that, as always.

 _"Hyung! Taekwoonie and I will be right back. We have another surprise in our room we have to get ready for you. So wait here and open your presents from the kids."_ Jaehwan put on his excited face and greasiest smile as he reached for Taekwoon's hand and practically dragged him to their bedroom. Once the door was shut, Jaehwan let out a deep exhale. He turned around to see Taekwoon leaning against the door, eyes looking at the floor.

 _"Taekwoon, we need to talk. Really talk."_ Jaehwan stared at Taekwoon, taking in his slightly hunched stance, his hands fidgeting behind his back, and his lip biting. He didn't mean to corner him like this, but he didn't know what else to do.

_"Taekwoon-"_

_"I don't know how."_ His voice was barely audible.

_"Don't know how to talk? We talk a lot, Taekwoon. Or, we used to. We talked about everything. What-"_

_"I don't know how to talk about this."_ Taekwoon's gaze met Jaehwan's at that moment, scared, unsure, but frustrated. He was fighting, and Jaehwan could just see it. He was fighting with his entire being. Jaehwan wanted to show him that he didn't have to fight. That he could love Jaehwan and it would be okay. He didn't want Taekwoon to be scared ever, but they needed to talk first.

 _"About what? Relationships or just us?"_ Jaehwan was quiet, not trying to pry too much and end up pushing him away, but he asked out of sheer earnest inquiry.

_"I've never done this before. I've never been in a relationship, with a girl or a guy."_

Jaehwan smiled a small smile and inched forward.

 _"Taekwoon, it's really alright. You shouldn't be afraid of what you feel. It is okay to like someone, feel vulnerable. It isn't always easy, but if you've got someone trustworthy and that can treat you well, reciprocate all the love you give them, then it's at least a start."_ Jaehwan had finally gotten close enough to Taekwoon to take his hand in his own. It fit so well. He used his other hand to tilt his chin up, noticing tears around his eyes, threatening to spill out.

 _"Why are you upset, hyung?"_ Jaehwan practically whispered at this close proximity.

 _"Because you like me so much, and I'm afraid. I don't want to disappoint you. I couldn't even talk to you after that night because I was afraid. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn't. I felt sick when I tried. So I saw Sanghyuk texting like that and thought it would be better than nothing. I couldn't not talk to you, Jaehwannie. I like you too much."_ Taekwoon's tears started to fall for real at this point and Jaehwan couldn't help but get teary eyed too. Taekwoon had been so afraid.

But they were talking now. This was the first real conversation they'd had in about a month, and it was really, really nice. Jaehwan felt so relieved, and he was sure that that was a huge part of his freshly shed tears now too.

 _"Do you trust me, Jung Taekwoon? I don't want you to be afraid of this, and I'll show you that you don't have to be afraid, if you just trust me and talk to me. Conversation and communication have to happen in a relationship. I know it's hard. It's hard for me too. But we can do this. I like you so much, more than I could tell you in any number of words. Can you trust me, hyung?"_ Jaehwan whispered for real now, still holding Taekwoon's hand while his other hand moved flat to the door beside Taekwoon's ear.

Taekwoon looked at Jaehwan for a while, up and down, finally settling on his eyes. He was afraid, but the fear was starting to be overshadowed by want, and hope. Glints of trust were evident in his dark eyes as Taekwoon started to nod his head.

 _"Yes. I trust you, Jaehwan."_ Taekwoon squeezed Jaehwan's hand as he spoke his simple reply, but a reply that meant so much, nonetheless, to Jaehwan, and Taekwoon, as he was taking a chance unlike any chance he'd taken before. He trusted Jaehwan so much, and he would learn to better trust himself along the way.

The words were such music to Jaehwan's ear though, that he didn't have time to process it all, because before he knew it, he'd swiftly leant in and placed a soft kiss on Taekwoon's lips, soft and lingering, everything built up for ages by now, brought out here, in their room, in a gentle kiss.

Taekwoon smiled a bit and pulled back. Jaehwan thought his heart would explode at the sight. So he kissed him again, longer and more forcefully, but then pulled away before too long. The party was still outside, and he was not about to have Hakyeon come barge in on this. Not today.

_"Come on, hyung. The party is still happening, and I'm sure Hakyeonnie umma isn't too pleased her two favorites have been gone so long."_

_"Yeah. Let's go."_ Taekwoon said with a small kitten smile. He took Jaehwan's hand and Jaehwan quickly stole a kiss before Taekwoon could open the door, causing the older to tug his hand a bit more forcefully to get him out of the room.

They took two steps out of their room and were met with whoops and hollers from the rest of the boys. Jaehwan laughed as they walked toward the table where the lit birthday cake with a photo of Hakyeon in a tiara on it was placed in the middle. Their hands never parted as Wonshik and Hakyeon gave them hell for taking so long to get together, while Hongbin, off to the side, just smiled at the two of them, happy this particular struggle was now over with. They deserved to be happy, and not be afraid to have conversations, and express their feelings. The boys deserved love, and that was what they had. Their hands remained clasped as Hakyeon demanded a birthday serenade from the two of them in particular. Jaehwan and Taekwoon had no problem with it, though Taekwoon did try to act stubborn. A quick peck on the cheek from Jaehwan made it a little more worth it, and they sang for their leader.

It was Jaehwan's favorite thing in the world, Taekwoon's voice. Whether he be singing, or telling him about how stupid one of the younger boys was, it was music to his ears. And with their communication and conversations well on the way to improvement, Jaehwan had a feeling he'd be hearing more of Taekwoon's voice, and that was fine by him.


End file.
